


Ya'll need Seiros

by zeiida



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gender-Neutral My Unit | Byleth, Humor, Pranks, Texting, i have to decide them, lifeguard AU, pairings to be introduced eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-09-29 16:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20438942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeiida/pseuds/zeiida
Summary: [️✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: EdelgaRD HOW DARE YOU[EdelGUARD]: ?[EdelGUARD]: What’re you blaming me for now?[️✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: HOW DARE YOU MAKE BYLETH WORK THE 5:30 AM SHIFT





	1. Team names

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up! Characters like Hubert, Petra, Dedue, Lysithea, and Lorenz are currently not present in this fic. But do not sweat my friends-- they will be here eventually.
> 
> A good piece of information to know, is Rhea runs the pool, Seteth is the treasurer, and Byleth is the lifeguard instructor. So they teach and train new lifeguards, but they also handle summer training.

****

Byleth stood in front of all of them, a tall cup of coffee in their hands. Their tired eyes swept over the people before them, separated by the barrier of the table. As everyone settled down into the metal bleachers, they would take occasional sips of their coffee. When all the eyes were looking at them, they placed their coffee down on the table’s surface.

It was oddly quiet, considering it was the pool. There was only the hum of the deck heater as all the lifeguards in front of them settled down. Byleth looked up from their coffee, then glanced to Rhea who sat comfortably in a lawn chair, a smile on her face. Even though Byleth worked with her quite frequently, sometimes they found her smile unnerving. But they supposed that was normal, considering Rhea was the one who owned the pool. 

“So as you all are aware, we have summer coming up, as well as summer training.” Byleth placed their hands on the table in front of them, leaning forward as they met eyes with all the guards. “But this time, we’re gonna try and make training a bit more fun for everyone.” Immediately Byleth watched as some of the lifeguards leaned to each other, subtly talking as if they wouldn’t notice. Though they supposed that’s what happened, and was to be expected, when most of the employees were college and highschool students. 

“This year we are dividing you all into teams, for what we have dubbed—” 

“Lifeguard Olympics!” Byleth slightly jumped as Caspar shouted from his seat. “Like the posts you see all the time online!”

It was obvious to see the change of faces, some of them became nervous and others became excited. The lifeguard instructor gave a sigh and turned towards Rhea, who looked at the guards endearingly. 

“Precisely,” Byleth nodded their head in agreement. They placed a hand on their hip as they overlooked those seated in front of them. “We will announce who’s in what team in a short while, and you all will decide on a team name and make a poster, to which we will hang in the office.” 

“But what if you can’t draw?” Linhardt’s rather sleep ridden voice piped in. 

“Then find someone who can. I don’t care.” Byleth waved their hand to dismiss the topic. There was still so much that needed to be discussed, they really didn’t have the time— nor energy— to deal with pointless questions. “Moving on, during training all participants will earn points which we will keep track in the office. The amount of points you earn is based on how well you perform in practice.” 

Byleth crossed their arms over their chest, huffing as their brows furrowed slightly. “And due to—” Byleth cleared their throat, “some staff _ over sleeping _, trainings will now be from four to four thirty. You may either attend Tuesday or Thursday.” 

There was a small whine from the group in front of them, and Byleth raised an eyebrow as Linhardt gave a tired look and slumped forward. Though before they could open their mouth, a hand shot up. Edelgard waited patiently, her face full of curiosity, yet a professional gaze at the same time. 

“Yes, Edelgard?”

“Is there going to be some grand prize to be won?” Her head tilted slightly as her hand settled back into her lap. The lifeguard instructor then turned to the pool manager, who had about her soft— yet unsettling in Byleth’s opinion— smile about her. Rhea tapped her chin, pondering a few moments. 

“Yes.” She stated, her resting smile returning. Even though Byleth had been working here ever since their highschool days, it was still unsettling, enough so to send shivers down their back. Rhea had this ability to yell even without raising her voice, it was all in her eyes. 

“But what kind of prize? Physical? _ Monetary? _” Claude’s voice chimed in, a slight smug look on his face with an eyebrow raised. Byleth held back a chuckle as Edelgard’s brows furrowed, shoving the dark haired lifeguard’s shoulder. 

“Mm,” Rhea hummed, entertaining both possibilities. She shrugged, and then addressed the question. “Possibly both.” 

The gathering of lifeguards exploded into conversation, and suddenly the corner of the pool wasn’t so quiet anymore. The instructor pinched the bridge of their nose, of course. But they supposed it would motivate the small crowd before them, even if it just would leave them distracted the rest of the meeting. 

“Okay, bring it back in guys. So the points system will be explained in the training you attend in more depth. But I can tell you now that along with training, each guard is responsible for swimming one thousand yards _ each week _,” Byleth asserted, face growing more stern. They didn’t miss how some of the employees— mostly Hilda, Linhardt, and Sylvain— groaned at the prospect. “Lifeguards have to stay in shape, as well as in practice.” They shrugged, holding no remorse.

“You alone are responsible for these by the way, one practice per week and a one thousand. Expect to be reprimanded if you miss them. If you’re gone, talk to us, let us know.” Rhea added, her voice didn’t suit her in that moment. As Byleth had always heard her soft spoken, but now she was flinty, added with the fact her voice fought to be heard over the deck heat. It just didn’t seem like her. 

“That being said, there’s nothing else to do but read off the teams and let you guys figure everything out.” Byleth picked up a set of papers they had set off to the side. Flipping through the pile, their eyes scanned the sheets until they found the right one. They pulled it out and stuck it on top, they took a breath before they started to rattle off all the names. 

“In the first team, we have Edelgard, Ferdiand, Caspar, Bernadetta, Linhardt, and Dorathea.” Byleth adjusted the paper so they could read the next set of names. “In team number two, there’s Dimitri, Sylvain, Felix, Ingrid, Ashe, Mercedes, and Annette.”

“And finally,” Byleth took another breath, “we have Claude, Marianne, Hilda, Raphael, Ignatz, and Leonie.” As soon as they finished, another hand shot up. 

“But the teams are uneven? How’s that fair?” Annette blurted, calling out from the top row of the bleachers. Byleth mused to themself for a moment, grabbing their neglected coffee. They took a sip, however their face scrunched in disappointment when they had realized it had become lukewarm.

“I’ll figure something out. For now, that’s all, you’re free to go.” Byleth moved to the side, holding back an amused snort as the lifeguards scrambled out of the bleachers. It was even funnier watching Sylvain try to speed walk through the pool, attempting to no doubt escape. 

“With that, let summer begin!” Rhea called out after the employees who were fleeting to the office. Byleth however felt apart of themself flinch, they had a feeling this was either going to be a dreadful summer or a fun summer, and they weren’t excited to find out which one it was. 

* * *

_ New group chat _ > Claude, Hilda, Marianne, +3 others || Friday 12:00 PM

**[Claude]: **okok yall if we’re gonna do this then we’re doing it right. 

**[Claude]: **we are one. we are a team

**[Claude]:** We

**[Hilda]: **Need nicknames

**[Claude]:** well i was gonna say we are [insert team name here] but thats fine too

**[Hilda]: **This is disgusting

**[Leonie]: **Guys we really gotta win this thing

**[Leonie]: **Hilda I’m lookin’ at you.

**[Leonie]: **Don’t mess this up for me man.

** [Marianne]: **wwhat??? 

**[Leonie]:** Oh? Did you not know? Byleth is the child of Coach Jeralt

**[Leonie]:** A really good swim coach who brought the local highschool to state 

**[Leonie]: **Then he suddenly quit?? ? I don’t know the whole story buuut

**[Hilda]: **we get it

**[Hilda]: **you love jeraly

**[Hilda]: ****jeralt

**[Marianne]: **ooo,, imm sorry if i mess this up for us;;;;

**[Marianne]: **i dont meaan to hold you guys bac k

**[Claude]: **woah slow down marianne 

**[Claude]: **no one is holding anybody back here— i have tricks up my sleeve

**[Ignatz]: **That’s always a comforting text to see.

**[Ignatz]: ** _ “I have tricks up my sleeve” _—Claude

**[Raphael]: **CAN’T TALK RN BUT SUYPER P UPED

**[Hilda]: **what was that

**[Leonie]: **He’s at his little sister’s soccer game

**[Marianne]: **t hats sweet!!!

**[Claude]: **guys— we need a name

**[Hilda]:** wetter is better

**[Leonie]: **Absolutely. Not. 

**[Hilda]: **;)c

**[Leonie]: **No.

**[Ignatz]: **You can probably find some lifeguard olympic names on reddish

**[Marianne]: **alll of them are nasty tho ;;;

**[Marianne]: **rrhea wouldnt allow that

**[Claude]: **:thinking:

**[Hilda]:** about changing the names?? your absolutely right u bimbo!!!

**[Ignatz]: **^*You’re

**[Hilda]: **o what ever

**[Claude]: **Hilda hold on— I’m still trying to sort out the team name

**[Marianne]: **shouldn’t we,,, wait for,,, raph? 

**[Leonie]: **I really don’t think

**[Leonie]: **He’d care?? 

**[Leonie]: **Knowing him, it’d probably be food related

**[Leonie]: **And as long as we win I don’t have a preference either

**[Hilda]: **lame

**[Hilda]: **coward

**[Marianne]: **hilda!!!

**[Claude]: **okok— what abt Golden Deer? 

**[Hilda]: **wtf is wrong w you???

**[Hilda]: **claude are you actually high?? 

**[Marianne]: **;;;; idkk bu t i kinda like it? ?

**[Marianne]:** its jst me tho!! we dont have to use it,,, 

**[Hilda]:**

**[Hilda]:** oops,,, i meant— 

**[Hilda]: **i meant wtf claude why didnt you bring it up earlier

**[Leonie]: **I’m down.

**[Leonie]: **And Raph loves venison so :shrugs:

**[Ignatz]: **I think deer are really nice! 

**[Ignatz]: **Therefore I have no complaints, plus they’re relatively easy to draw

**[Hilda]:** whousesthereforeinthisdayandage????

**[Claude]: **then we’re all in agreement

**[Claude]: **we are the Golden Deer— the GD

**[Claude]: ** _ fear the deer _

**[Marianne]:** c ute!!

_ Claude changed the name from ‘New group chat’ to ‘Golden Deer’ _

**[Claude]: **its the dawn of the deer

**[Hilda]: **oh seiros what have we done

* * *

_ New group chat >  _ Ferdinand, Dorothea, Caspar +2 others || Friday 1:04 PM

**[Ferdinand]:** First things first— are we all here and off work?

**[Dorothea]: ** Ferdie, tell me u literally didn’t invite Edie

**[Dorothea]: ** Tell me u aren’t that petty

**[Ferdinand]:** ?? 

**[Ferdinand]: ** Well, Dorothea is here, who else? 

**[Ferdinand]:** OK— I saw Bernadetta type so she’s comment stalking

**[Dorothea]: ** Omfg, okay hold up

_ Dorothea added Edelgard _

**[Ferdinand]: ** Why would you do that?

**[Dorothea]: ** Cause that queen deserves to be in here, u swine

**[Bernadetta]: ** ,,,UHM wwhats this for exactly?? 

**[Ferdinand]: ** Well, the plan was to decide the team name

**[Edelgard]: ** And hows the working for you Ferdinand?? 

**[Ferdinand]: ** Fine before you came in here.

**[Dorothea]: ** Ladies, ur both beautiful 

**[Ferdinand]:** Okay but really, we’re supposed to have this stuff done by Monday

**[Ferdinand]: ** Where’s Caspar and Linhardt? 

**[Bernadetta]:** tthey’re workin The Cursed:tm: 

**[Dorothea]: ** That literally gave me shivers

**[Ferdinand]: ** D i s g u s t i n g

**[Edelgard]: ** Ferdinand, both of us work? “The Cursed:tm:” shift?

**[Ferdinand]: ** Doesn’t change the fact it’s  _ disgusting _

**[Bernadetta]: ** its so cursed it cant be said by namee

**[Edelgard]: ** The one to four shift?

**[Dorothea]:** Edie no!!

**[Ferdinand]:** It’s too late for her

**[Edelgard]: ** What ever, now what is this chat for?

**[Ferdinand]: ** Scroll up? 

**[Dorothea]: ** The lifeguard olympics team name

**[Edelgard]: ** Right, well Linhardt and Caspar aren’t here, and we should at least wait for them.

**[Edelgard]: ** You know Caspar will whine and complain if he can’t get in on this.

**[Ferdinand]: ** Linhardt literally will not care

**[Dorothea]: ** Correct but I’m not going to listen Caspar sniveling

_ New group chat > _ Ferdinand, Dorothea, Caspar +3 others || Friday 7:37 PM

**[Caspar]: ** I DO NOT SNIVEL

**[Ferdinand]: ** Alright— lets do this again, roll call

**[Dorothea]: ** Lmao I love how you literally keep trying to rule this group chat

**[Edelgard]: ** I really don’t care at this point

**[Dorothea]: ** Oh!! I saw Bernie type!

**[Linhardt]: ** you probs have five minutes before i go to bed

**[Ferdinand]:** Okay— team names, what do you guys suggest? 

**[Caspar]: ** OOOOH! OKAY

**[Edelgard]: ** The Eagles, eagles are really good at grabbing things from the water

**[Dorothea]: ** That’s actually??? Really smart?? Omg

**[Ferdinand]: ** Uhm

**[Caspar]: ** THAT’S BETTER THAN WHAT I WAS THINKING

**[Ferdinand]: ** Breathe, Caspar.

**[Linhardt]: ** just eagles?? ?

**[Edelgard]: ** Good point, needs some flair. 

**[Caspar]: ** hmmm, we could,,,

**[Caspar]: ** OH— OH MY GOF

**[Caspar]: ** WE COULD BE LIKE— THE BLACK EAGLES

**[Edelgard]:** Sure. We’re the Black Eagles

**[Linhardt]: ** nice

**[Ferdinand]: ** Great.

**[Dorothea]: ** Now we just need a team poster!!!! Ours has to be the best one guys

**[Ferdinand]:** Of course it will be

**[Edelgard]: ** Linhardt I entrust this task to you

**[Linhardt]: ** did u not hear me today?? 

**[Linhardt]: ** does it look like i can draw

**[Ferdinand]:** No, but neither can any of us

**[Linhardt]: ** Dorothea

**[Dorothea]:** Absolutely not, I may have a nice voice but I cannot even draw a circle

**[Dorothea]: ** This ones all on you Linnie

**[Linhardt]: ** gd

* * *

_ New group chat _ > Sylvain, Felix, Ingrid, +5 others || Friday 4:42 PM

**[Sylvain]: **no one here can properly work a group chat but me, sO i took it upon myself

**[Sylvain]: **yyou can hold your applause 

**[Sylvain]: **i am but a simple hero, simple, yet astounding

**[Ingrid]: **humble too.

_ Felix has left the conversation _

**[Sylvain]: **OH NO HE DOESNT

_ Sylvain has added Felix to the conversation _

**[Felix]: **Don’t group me in with this shit

_ Felix has left the conversation _

_ Sylvain has added Felix to the conversation _

**[Sylvain]: **WILL YOU PLEASE STOP FUCKING LEAVING

**[Ingrid]: **but leaving is Felix’s defense mechanism.

**[Sylvain]: **thank god

**[Sylvain]: **okay we be doin this like in hs

**[Sylvain]: **whose here?

**[Ingrid]: **i

**[Felix]: **Only you would say I

**[Dimitri]: **I am present.

**[Felix]: **Jfc

**[Mercedes]: **im here!

**[Annette]: **Me too!!!

**[Ashe]: **m’ here

**[Sylvain]: **wait,, if thats every one then,,, who else

**[Sylvain]: **did i add?? 

**[Claude]: **dude you really gotta watch who you add

**[Sylvain]: **shit

**[Sylvain]: **hi claude

**[Sylvain]: **bye claude

_ Sylvain has removed Claude from the conversation _

**[Sylvain]:** so before I loose all of you

**[Annette]: **OOOO! Can Mercie and I make the poster :0c????

**[Annette]: **After we decided on our name of course!!!

**[Mercedes]: **that’s a really good idea annie!

**[Sylvain]: **knock yourselves out

**[Sylvain]: **none of the rest of us can draaw lmao

**[Sylvain]: **anyways what is our team name going to be

**[Ashe]: **are we gonna have a really funny one or? 

**[Felix]: **Absolutely not. 

**[Sylvain]:** awW come on dude we couldve been mouth to mouth pros

**[Dimitri]: **I’m sorry Sylvain, but I’m pretty sure none of us want to be called that.

**[Felix]: **I agree with the boar for once.

**[Sylvain]: **jesus if you agree w him then it must be rlly bad

**[Ingrid]: **do we still want?? like water related?? 

**[Sylvain]:** duh

**[Ingrid]: **then we could use like a blue theme??? 

**[Annette]:** Blue is a nice color!!! And I have plenty of blue things to use!!!

**[Mercedes]: **me too, blue is such a pretty color,,,

**[Dimitri]: **Do we want something cool sounding?

**[Felix]: **Something that beats the other teams.

**[Sylvain]:** hold up, let me msg someone real quick abt team names

**[Ashe]: **and now we wait

**[Annette]: **Aren’t?? The team names supposed to be a surprise???

**[Ingrid]: **welcome to sylvain does things he’s not supposed to: episode 457

**[Felix]: **You’re only on episode 457? Where’ve you been?

**[Dimitri]: **Felix, you do spend a lot of time with Sylvain

**[Dimitri]: **It only makes sense you’ve seen more.

**[Felix]: **Did I ask your fucking opinion? 

**[Mercedes]: **;;;; language please

**[Sylvain]:** OK

**[Sylvain]: **so according to my sources the third group has gone w “golden deer”

**[Felix]: **??? I mean alright, their choice

**[Annette]: **Thats cute tho!!! And deer are good swimmers!

**[Ingrid]: **Well what eats deer?

**[Ashe]: **a lo t of things

**[Dimitri]: **Lions. Lions eat deer.

**[Felix]: **Of course you’d say that.

**[Sylvain]:** lions blue?? 

**[Sylvain]:** lion blue?????

**[Sylvain]:** that doesnt sound good

**[Ingrid]: **aqua lions??

**[Felix]: **This is horrendous

**[Ashe]: **The Blue Lions?

**[Dimitri]: **Yes precisely, Ashe! Genius!

**[Sylvain]: **he literally just reversed my words

**[Ashe]: **aaa, sorry sylvain

**[Ingrid]: **yes but he reversed them first

**[Sylvain]:** are we,,, rlly doin that?

**[Felix]: ** You have a better idea, _ lions blue _???

**[Mercedes]: **aaaaand blue lions it is!!! Oh thats so cute— we could all have matching shirts

**[Sylvain]:** oh boy,,,

**[Sylvain]: **matching shirts,,,,

**[Sylvain]: **for the blue lions,,,,

**[Dimitri]: **I like the ring it has.

**[Ingrid]: **me too, ngl, it sounds really regal

**[Mercedes]: **that’s what i thought! annie and i will work on the poster!

**[Annette]: **Prepare to be blown away

**[Ashe]:** it sounds like the name of some fantasy-esque thing

**[Sylvain]: **ig

**[Sylvain]: **we’re the blue lions

**[Sylvain]:**

**[Sylvain]:**

**[Sylvain]:** _hoorah,,,,,_

_ Felix has left the conversation _

**[Sylvain]:** i s2g

_ Sylvain has added Felix to the conversation _

**[Felix]: **But we were done

**[Sylvain]: **is

**[Sylvain]: **is this gonna be the whole summer?


	2. Edelgard the splatter painting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, well,” Dimitri tensed, he cleared his throat before he continued. His voice raised in volume and his posture slightly stiffened. “Claude here had gotten sick, it wasn’t super specific. Edelgard noticed this and asked the required, and uhm, Claude threw up… on her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I would like to thank everyone who has read this so far? I didn't think people would like my lifeguard ramblings. That being said, these are based off my own experiences at work,,, because some of the things I see man. Anyways I do hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
> 
> Still haven't played BE, so uh?? I'm sorry for any ooc moments.

Summer was great, in Claude’s humble opinion. Summer meant beach trips, hanging out with friends, no school work, and just an all around a good time. But, while he didn’t _ hate _work itself, he did hate all the extras that came with it. Specifically summer training, it was just tedious to work around the times they were hosted. 

Every summer there was training that the lifeguards had to attend, it was to keep up their skills. Trainings were held from four to five on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and sometimes they could be let off early if they finish quick enough. Despite the fact they were mandatory, Claude last year had the gall to not tell the instructors at the time he was on vacation for two weeks. Upon discovering he skipped, Rhea left him a voice message, and it wasn’t one that the dark haired student was eager to hear. 

So here he was, sitting in the metal bleachers of the pool, waiting for training to start. His eyes followed Byleth as they sped around the pool. He really didn’t understand how someone merely a _ year _ older than him, and someone who was in his own lifeguard class, became the instructor. But he did have to admit they were a rather hard worker, and gave everything they participated in one hundred and ten percent. 

When Byleth had darted into the office, Claude let his eyes shift to his surroundings. The brown haired man leaned forward, elbows on his legs as he tried to get a better look. There were tarps on the ground and a table with a bunch of things on top of it. The lifeguard had a sinking feeling that— judging by all the equipment— they were going to be doing what Rhea called _ live action scenarios _. 

“Ew, really? Fake blood? No thanks,” Hilda muttered beside Claude, her nose scrunched in disgust. 

“But it’s fake?” Claude leaned back, raising an amused eyebrow at his friend. He still questioned why Hilda became a lifeguard, considering how lax she tended to be. Though to be fair she only worked one day a week. “Scared to get your favorite shirt stained?” He gave her a fake pout. 

“Ugh! This is my favorite shirt, and someone is gonna get it all dirty!” She whined, swatting him in the arm. “I can’t believe no one told me we were doing this today.”

“It was written all over the office! Byleth even reminded everyone as they were walking out the other da— oh my bad,” Claude brought a hand up to cover his humored smile. “I forgot you only work Friday nights. Even still, it was written _ all _ over the office.”

“You rat,” she seethe, her brows furrowing. In an overly dramatic turn, Hilda did her best to block Claude with her back as she started a conversation with Marianne. Seemingly satisfied, Claude glanced around the now filled metal stands. Even though there was only about half of the lifeguards on staff attending this practice, they were still pretty packed. He had no idea why they all insisted they cram onto a set of stands that only had three rows to sit, considering there was another set of bleachers _ right next _to this one.

“Good evening,” Byleth’s usual monotone voice greeted, a signature coffee in their hands. 

Everyone responded in a cheery tone, despite the fact that it was four in the evening on a Tuesday, and no one wanted to be there. Honestly Claude just wanted to start training and get work over with, he had a whole night of _ nothing _ to get started after this. Though just as Byleth was about to get started, a phone rang out. 

“Answer it.” Byleth groaned, pinching the bridge of their nose. It was this unspoken rule that if a phone was out during training, and it rang, it had to be answered. Mostly just out of shame. Honestly it reminded Claude of highschool more than anything. “Put it on speaker if you feel daring.” 

Edelgard, slightly embarrassed, picked up the phone. As soon as she hit the green answer button, a panicked voice came through. Claude tried to read over her shoulder the contact name, but he couldn’t make it out on her dim screen. 

“Fuck!” As soon as he heard it, he recognized it was Caspar. He had a very distinct way of speaking and his voice was unlike the others in the office. “Oh Edelgard, thank god! Can you tell Byleth I’m going to be late. Sleepy bitch boy over here didn’t wake up.”

“Hey, I was awake, I was just on my way there.” Linhardt’s— definitely sleep ridden— voice chimed in the background. 

“How can you still be sleeping at four in the afternoon?” Ashe whispered, a confused glance on his face. _ Honestly, _ Claude commented internally, _ Linhardt possess an affinity for sleep that is hard to match _.

“If you mean on your way there, you’d be at the pool at seven then yes! Yes, you were on your way!” Caspar snipped at the other; Claude would’ve given just about anything to see the state of panic these two were in. 

“I’m right here Caspar, and I recommend getting here as soon as possible,” Byleth’s voice answered for Edelgard. “Unless you want to clean concessions every single time there’s a KNO.” 

“Wha-what?! No! We’re on our way!” _ Click _. The call had ended and all the lifeguards were staring at a now lightless phone. 

“Oh yeah! Are they actually going to clean concessions every time?” Sylvain spouted from somewhere on the bleachers, trying to find him was a waste of Claude’s energy. Concessions, in practically everyone’s opinion, was the worst to clean. It was disgusting, there was soggy chips, glued to the ground candies, ramen noodles— name it and it’s probably on the ground. It was funny to watch Hilda do it though, considering she’d wretch and gag the whole way through. Or she’d get someone else to do it for her, miraculously, considering the deep hatred everyone harbored for it.

“No. They just needed motivation to get here.” They shrugged, taking a sip of their coffee. Who drinks coffee at four? Apparently Byleth. Their fingers thrummed on the sides, staring at the still water of the big pool. “I really don’t understand why they didn’t just attend Thursday if they were going to be late. I moved the time for a reason.”

“Probably because Caspar, knowing him, forgot you could attend either one and thought you have to attend both.” Ferdinand added from his spot between Edelgard and Mercedes. 

“You know they’re going to speed trying to get here, right?” Edelgard sighed, putting her phone back into the pockets of her shorts. Claude really couldn’t tell if everything she had bought the pair as distressed as they were, or if they had become that way over time. Usually every thing she wore was name brand, and he couldn’t see her disregarding her shorts in such a manner where they would end up destroyed.

“Not my problem, I didn’t encourage them to speed. I just told them to get here.” They shrugged again, eliciting a few cackles from the group of lifeguards. “Now, onto training.”

* * *

When Byleth had finished talking, Claude had found himself in a group of three. The small group consisted of Dimitri, Edelgard, and himself. Apparently there was going to be nine rounds so everyone got a turn playing a role. Each time there was going to be someone in the group who was a lifeguard, the other victim, and the last person was a bystander. All the bystander had to do was hold a checklist and observe as the lifeguard took the necessary steps. The brown haired man internally groaned, knowing this would take forever, since everyone had to be each role once. 

“I’ll be victim first,” Claude raised one of his hands, the other on his hip. The two before him glanced at each other. Edelgard shrugged and Dimitri gave a nod, giving no qualms about the self appointed role. 

“I can be the lifeguard then,” Edelgard settled, crossing her arms as she observed the groups around them.

“I have no complaints about being the bystander,” Dimitri added. He retreated to stand by Claude as Edelgard— along with the rest of the staff who opted for the lifeguard role— was ushered outside to their little pool. When all of them were outside, Byleth came around with orange folders. Each folder had a random scenario to be acted out, and a card to be handed to the lifeguard when they first came onto the scene. 

Claude had a simple case of being sick, which he was grateful for. But when his eyes scanned the symptoms, he noticed vomiting. Confused, he looked up and glanced around for Byleth.

“Uhm? I hate to break it to you guys, but throwing up on Edelgard’s brand name shorts wasn’t my intention today.” The brown haired guard pointed at the laminated sheet in his hand. Though he almost regretted asking, seeing the mischievous smile on Rhea’s face take form. It really didn’t belong there. 

“For one I would not expect you to actually vomit,” she started, but gave a half run half walk over to the table. There she plucked up what seemed like a yogurt container, some cereal, and a bowl with a spoon. _ No, _ Claude thought, _ I am not keeping this in my mouth like a squirrel until Edelgard walks over. _ Yet Rhea nonetheless put a bit of yogurt in the bowl and sprinkled some granola on it. Usually Claude was all up for pranks, but this was something else entirely.

“Just put it in your mouth when the door opens, you don’t have to do it right now,” she handed him the bowl and gathered up everything else. 

“Bonus points if you get it on her Birkenstocks!” Ferdinand called from his own group. When Claude looked over, the Aegir gave him a thumbs up and then continued with whatever he was doing. 

“Ferdie! She just bought those!” Dorothea thwacked the taller in the air, making the other lifeguard flinch. 

“Got it, note taken,” the more Claude looked over the yogurt the more he wanted to do this. It was payback for the last time she froze his goggles over in a bowl of ice. Even though Byleth insisted that it was his own fault for leaving them on the table for a straight week, he was still thoroughly convinced about getting her back. Though fake vomit was not what he had in mind.

After a couple more minutes of preparations, Byleth overlooked everyone one last time before walking to go get the lifeguards who had been caged outside. As soon as he saw a flash of Edelgard’s hair he shoved a spoonful in his mouth and placed the bowl under the bleachers. The shorter briskly walked over to the spot, picking up the gloves left by his side and slipping them on. 

“Hey, what seems to be the matter?” When she crouched before him, he knew it was the perfect time. Yet he couldn’t help the laugh that festered, so instead of a direct upchuck it was more of an explosive sputter. 

“Claude von Reigan you are _ so _ dead after this,” she gritted her teeth. Edelgard didn’t waste time inspecting the damage of yogurt spit and instead her eyes briefly read over the card that gave her the full scenario. Despite the fact they were supposed to take it seriously, none of them could keep a straight face. Even Dimitri couldn’t stop a few humored cackles from escaping. But by the looks of it, neither could the rest of the group. Edelgard looked like a live rendition of those overpriced splatter paintings. He really should’ve put some food dye on the yogurt, add more vibrancy. The Yogurt was on her shirt and shorts, some of it got on shoes but she had backed up quick enough that it barely got them. It was evident on some of her skin, to which that was where he felt kinda bad. But he didn’t have too much time to rejoice in his marksmanship, as a scene to the side of them busted out.

“No! Felix, I can take care of my own severed finger! You may not help me!” Sylvain took the fake plastic finger off the ground and attempted to storm away. 

“I hope you get gangrene then,” Felix griped, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the Gautier walk away. “Get back here you buffoon, take this seriously.” Claude only remembered what he was doing when Edelgard kicked his shin. 

“You know, _ Miss lifeguard _, it’s not very nice to kick patrons in the shin,” Claude gave her a smug look, “you could lose a customer.” 

“Oh will you please just get through the scenario?” She demanded, growing more annoyed with the man in front of her as time went on. When she shot him a cold glare, he pushed down his humor and carried out the scenario. Eventually all the groups had finished, and even though it was only round one Byleth looked exhausted.

“So, Edelgard, Dimitri, Claude, what happened?” They asked, the regret in their voice however was very obvious. As if they knew what the group was going to say. “Actually, Dimitri, just tell me what happened.”

“Oh, well,” Dimitri tensed, he cleared his throat before he continued. His voice raised in volume and his posture slightly stiffened. “Claude here had gotten sick, it wasn’t super specific. Edelgard noticed this and asked the required, and uhm, Claude threw up… on her.”

Edelgard huffed, making sure to keep her arms away from the yogurt on her shirt. If she had anything on her mind, she didn’t voice it. Meanwhile Claude could barely keep his snickers down, and from the sounds of it some of the other lifeguards as well. 

“And that is why you stand to the side of the patron, never in front. I’m betting Edelgard will never make that mistake again.” Byleth collected the sheet of paper Dimitri held onto, glancing it over before setting onto the clipboard they carried. They then turned to Felix, Sylvain, and Dorothea. “What was the case for you guys?” 

“Well, Sylvain severed his finger completely off. So Felix walked up and asked if he had permission to help, to which Sylvain declined and took her finger and left.” Dorothea sighed, handing the paper to Byleth. Claude snorted in amusement when he recalled the earlier scene that Sylvain had stirred. “However when Sylvain wasn’t behaving like a five year old, Felix came up and asked if he could help. To which Sylvain agreed. The only thing— which is disgusting by the way— he forgot to do was put on PPE.” 

“Hey,” Felix grunted, “I did too. I did it the first time around.”

“But you never actually put it on, the gloves are still right there.” Dorothea motioned with a hand to the blue gloves laying on the tarp.

“But I said I did.” He interjected, pointing a finger at her. Dorothea maintained eye contact with the swimmer for a few moments before giving into an exasperated sigh. She threw her hands up, then they fell against her thighs. “He said he did so I guess he did.”

When Felix turned his attention away, content with a supposed victory, Claude watched as Dorothea mouth something to Byleth. Before the instructor could turn their attention to Ferdinand, Hilda, Marianne and Ashe there was a loud noise at the end of the pool. 

“We’re here!” Caspar called out across from the pool, easing into a slow jog. Claude picked up the whistle around his neck, blowing into it for a sharp sound. He pointed at the blue haired student. 

“Hey buddy, walk please! Hey Teach,” Claude turned to Byleth and shrugged. “He was breaking the rules during open hours, and was _ late _ . I mean it’s up to you, but it sounds like that _ should _be a point deduction.” 

Claude didn’t miss the way Edelgard gave an offended gasp after he had said it. Caspar grumbled, nose scrunched as he made his way over to the group. Yet Claude’s full attention was on the lifeguard instructor, who seemed to actually be pondering his idea. They had the palm of their hand pressed to their mouth in thought, eyes studying the floor. 

“We’ll see. Marianne,” Byleth called after the blue haired girl who jumped suddenly “You’re with Caspar and Linhardt now. You two…” their voice faltered when they realized Linhardt wasn’t there. 

“Yo, where is Linhardt?” Claude looked around, rolling up onto the balls of his feet as if that would help him see into the office better. 

“He had to change into his suit.” 

“What did he come in? His snuggie?” It was meant to be a joke, as Claude turned to Dimitri and gave him a playful shove. However when he looked back to Caspar, the other was just giving him a blank look then nodded. 

Was… was he serious?

* * *

When training had finished, Claude felt thoroughly refreshed about scenarios. It was nice to do ones on dry land like this, rather than the water entries that they practiced constantly. The rest of practice went rather smoothly, however he did get marked down five points because Edelgard was a snitch.

_ “Byleth!” She chirped, flagging the instructor down, “Claude forgot to ask for permission to help.” _ His nose scrunched thinking about. _ You throw up on someone once, and then all of a sudden they have a vendetta against you _, he mused as he walked into the office. Claude rounded the corner where their boxes were located, and swiftly grabbed his things before it became too crowded. He really had no idea why their office was so small. 

As Claude was clocking out for the day, his eyes happened to graze the list of numbers for all their coworkers. It’s not like he hadn’t seen it before, and he’s used it before too. But it left him pondering why they didn’t just have some big group chat. 

“Byleth!” Claude called out while he calculated his hours for the day. He pulled out a binder and plucked a pen from their little writing utensil jar. There was an acknowledging hum behind him. When Claude turned, he noticed Byleth swirling a small tube. They were completing a chem check for the pool, he almost forgot that the headguard worked till close. “You’re a headguard, right?” 

“Yes?” Their answer came hesitantly, almost like they’d take it back when Claude inevitably continued. The lifeguard abandoned the sheets in front of him, turning around and placing his forearms on the small wall that separated them. He leaned forward, watching with a fake interest. 

“You should make a group chat with all the lifeguards then.” They gave him a bland look. 

“You make it. You’re a headguard too.” 

“No one listens to me though, if it’s made by you it won’t go in the trash immediately,” Claude countered, backing off the wall as he raised his eyebrows. He tapped the side of his head twice then pointed to Byleth who exhaled in disbelief. “At least think about it.”

“Fine. Now leave me alone and get out of here.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Claude chortled, turning back to the sheets as he finished them up. When he was done he gathered his things and grabbed his keys. He turned to Byleth and pointed at them, expecting smile on his face. “Do it.”

“No promises.”

* * *

Claude was sitting in front of his laptop, doing absolutely nothing when the phone went off. The first time he ignored the buzzing, he expected it was probably someone he could reply to later. But then his phone went off, again, and again, and _ again _. Finally, he paused the video he was watching and picked up his device. 

_ New group chat _ > Byleth, Claude, Dimitri +17 others || Tuesday 9:55 PM

**[Byleth]:** no one is in trouble

**[Sylvain]: **oh thank god i was mortified

**[Byleth]: **no, everyone is fine

**[Byleth]: **claude just told me to make this, so i did

**[Leonie]: **This would actually be a good way of letting us know team points?? 

**[Leonie]: **Like what teams are in the lead and what not

**[Mercedes]: **ooo! i quite like that idea,,,, but it might get cluttered in here

**[Mercedes]: **you know,,, with how many people are in here

**[Mercedes]: **we’d easily lose track

**[Claude]: **hmmmm, if by gave me admin powers,,, i could remedy that uwu

**[Edelgard]: **Take those emojis away, Claude. You aren’t going to fool anyone.

**[Ferdinand]: **Don’t worry Claude, she’s just bitter about earlier

**[Annette]: **Earlier?? 

**[Annette]: **How long has this chat been around?? 

**[Claude]: **nah annette it was just made

**[Dimitri]: **He’s referring to the fact that earlier today at training there was live action scenarios.

**[Caspar]: **AND HE THREW UP ON EDELGARD!!!

**[Edelgard]: **Gee Caspar, could you say it with any less enthusiasm? 

**[Claude]: **how’re those new shoes of yours??

**[Mercedes]: **oh my,,, i do hope you and your clothes are fine, i could attempt to help if anything is stained!!

**[Edelgard]: **I am fine, thank you, Mercedes. Luckily I got all of Claude’s nasty spit yogurt off

**[Sylvain]: **im just glad it was her and not me

_ Byleth made Claude an admin _

**[Claude]: **!!!

**[Claude]:** awwww, by youre too sweet!!

**[Claude]: **you shouldn’t hav

**[Claude]: **e!!!

**[Edelgard]: **Really. You shouldn’t have

**[Edelgard]: **Excuse me, this is favoritism at it’s finest.

**[Byleth]: **claude by no means is my favorite

**[Claude]: **by!!!!

**[Edelgard]: **Who is your favorite then?? 

**[Byleth]**: mmm,,,, 

**[Caspar]: Mission: Find out Byleth’s Favorite on Staff is A go**

**[Caspar]: **I repeat— mission is a go!

**[Dimitri]: **You could’ve picked anyone else to share admin powers with.

**[Dimitri]: **And you picked him?

**[Dimitri]: ** Byleth, I’m _ hurt. _

**[Byleth]: **̄\\_(ツ)_/¯

**[Byleth]: **theres no authority here

**[Byleth]: **personally i don’t care what claude does

**[Byleth]: **anyways m off for the night ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

**[Byleth]:** my cat is old and needs help— night

**[Dimitri]: **What has Byleth done? 

**[Annette]: **Good night Byleth!!

**[Mercedes]: **night! have a good sleep!

**[Mercedes]:** i didnt know byleth had a cat,,, i bet they’re adorable

**[Caspar]: **I bet its mean

**[Caspar]: **I mean they did say it was old

**[Claude]: **now :>c time for the fun stuff

**[Ferdinand]: **Okay, even I’m sure that’s not how that emoticon works

_ Claude changed the name from ‘New group chat’ to ‘you shall not passive’ _

_ Claude added a new channel ‘team scores’ _

_ Claude changed Claude to ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ _

**[Leonie]: **Really?? The best Claude came up with was team scores?? 

**[Caspar]: **I’m shocked it’s not some cooler sounding name

**[Edelgard]: **What is with you people being unable to handle literal words? 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** what should it be then? 

**[Caspar]: **Welll?? What about?? UhMM?? 

**[Mercedes]: **honestly i’m not good at naming things

**[Annette]: **Lets wait till everyone else is on, then decide!!

**[Leonie]: **Tbh thats probs for the best

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** ok then

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **any special nickname requests???

**[Dimitri]: **Do not change my name.

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** wimp

**[Sylvain]: **oH 

**[Felix]: **Sylvain I want you to think about this

**[Mercedes]: **mmmm,,,

**[Dimitri]: ** _ Sylvain. _

**[Ferdinand]: **What is everyone worked up about? 

**[Edelgard]: **It’s the Blue Lions, they’re always worked up 

**[Caspar]: **ooOO! Get em!

**[Sylvain]: **oi red eagles are just pissed off bc theyre bald

**[Edelgard]: **For one, not every eagle is a bald eagle

**[Edelgard]: ** Two, bald eagles aren’t actually _ bald _

**[Edelgard]: **Three, we’re the Black Eagles

**[Caspar]: **YEAH!!! THE BLACK EAGLES STRIKE FORCE!

**[Caspar]: **I like how he literally did not try to defend his house name

**[Annette]: **That sounds super cool!! I like the Black Eagles Strike force!

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **before the chat gets swamped

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **and before i catch the z’s

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** who here wants a nickname changed

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **seiros knows byleth won’t/doesn’t know how to do it

**[Sylvain]: **mouth to mouth pros

**[Felix]: **Jfc really Sylvain? 

**[Dimitri]: **I’ve long since learned that I cannot control you, Sylvain.

**[Sylvain]: **thx dimitri

**[Dimitri]: **But I do hope Ingrid chews you out later.

**[Sylvain]: **at least y—

**[Sylvain]: **oh nvm

_✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ_ _changed Sylvain to mouth to mouth pros_

**[mouth to mouth pros]: ✌️✌️✌️ **lit

**[mouth to mouth pros]:** anyways imma go

**[mouth to mouth pros]: **i gotta drive felix to that stupid swim meet tomorrow

**[Annette]: **Honestly I’m surprised you guys even react to this stuff anymore

**[Annette]: **I expect it at this point,,,

**[Annette]: **Night Sylvain!

**[Mercedes]:** night syl!

**[Felix]: **It’s not that we dont expect it

**[Felix]: **We just pray that it stops

**[Felix]:** If Sylvain is off then i should leave as well

**[Mercedes]: **tell us how it goes!!!

**[Dimitri]: **I’m too tired to look at what wreckage Claude is making.

**[Dimitri]: **Good night.

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **now that he’s offline what should i change his name to

**[Edelgard]: **Claude, no. 

**[Ferdinand]: **Relax, it’s not like these are our boxes or something. 

**[Edelgard]: **You don’t know him as well as I do, Ferdinand.

**[Edelgard]: **I went to high school with him. He was a menace if he got out of hand.

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **yeah and you were mean >:0

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** meanelgard

**[Ferdinand]:**

**[Ferdinand]: **I went to that school too

**[Ferdinand]: **Well for my junior and senior year anyways

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **gerreg mach— good times

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: ** now it’s going to be lau— always in debt **✌**

**[Mercedes]: **i forget we didn’t all attend the same hs,,,

**[Mercedes]: **ferdinand where did you go?? 

**[Ferdinand]: **Well, I was at Gerreg Mach at the end of the two years if you remember

**[Annette]: **I do remember that actually!!

**[Leonie]: **Why did you suddenly transfer in? If you dont mind me asking

**[Ferdinand]: **It’s fine. 

**[Edelgard]: **His father was butthurt that Gerreg Mach was beating the high school Ferdinand attended at the time, so he transferred. Gerreg Mach had better coaches. 

**[Ferdinand]: **Wow, I didn’t know your name was Ferdinand von Aegir.

**[Edelgard]: **If you had told it, we would’ve been here all night.

**[Mercedes]: **nno!! it’s okay, i dont work tomorrow till five anyways

**[Edelgard]: **She’s just being nice. 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** hey edelgard

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **shouldn’t you be like

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **idk 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **asleep? 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **you do work the morning shift do you not????

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** i mean it’s up to you if you want two hours of sleep— would explain your attitude

**[Edelgard]: **Oh.

**[Edelgard]:**

**[Edelgard]: **I suppose I should be, thank you Claude. 

**[Edelgard]: **Goodnight everyone. 

**[Mercedes]: **gn!!

**[Annette]: **Night!!!

**[Ferdinand]: **Ugh, I should probably get to sleep too, I sub for Felix tomorrow. 

**[Mercedes]: **that was nice of you tho! night ferdinand

**[Annette]: **I think we should all sleep,,, night Mercie!!

**[Mercedes]: **night annie!

**[Annette]: ** _ @✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ _ you should sleep

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **yeah sure thing

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **not sleepy rn tho

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **maybe one of your songs can help

**[Annette]: **GOOD NIGHT CLAUDE

_ you shall not passive _> Byleth, Claude, Dimitri +17 others || Tuesday 11:20 PM

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Edelgard to EdelGUARD _

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **that ones weak my bad

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Felix to Coach said to cool down but bitch I’m still swimmin _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Dimitri to Dimitri?? More like Dimicry _

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **also weak but idk what to do

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Mercedes to pool mom who we dont deserve _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Byleth to scariest headguard _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Hilda to baewatch (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Leonie to You said 50 meters but did you mean 500? _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Caspar to I couldn’t be a ninja so I became a lifeguard. _

_ ✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ changed Ferdinand to Gerreg Mach Pool, this is Ferdinand von Aegir _

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **round one 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **i spent way too long thinking about some of those but w/e

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]:** and for the rest of you?? 

**[✌ sʎnoq ɯǝp ǝʍ]: **watch your back

_ you shall not passive _> Byleth, Claude, Dimitri +17 others || Wednesday 4:59 AM

**[scariest headguard]: **scariest headguard huh??? 

**[scariest headguard]: ** _ weak _

**Author's Note:**

> So!! I haven't actually played any of the Black Eagle routes so if they're ooc I'm so sorry. But I needed a place to write about things I've seen and heard about at work, and this seemed like a good idea.


End file.
